Religious Sprinkleeninow.
Thank you for honoring us with something so searingly intimate. Your gift will help many of us.
As a broken person, that I have been given the gift of companionship that ended up being the very thing that kept me alive, is beyond anything I could possibly deserve.
When I found her at the animal shelter in 2010, I knew Petunia the moment I saw her and named her accordingly. She has accompanied me lovingly on every step I've taken in life since, with her undying love and affection making all the pain and loneliness seem tolerable.
She is here with me as I write this and I know that I will be feeling every bit of what you're experiencing right now pretty soon
I know this because it's happened to me before.
My Spook was my girl cat companion for fifteen years from 1988 to 2003 and she heard my car from a block away. She would head to the door and wait as soon as she heard my car and get so excited she'd drool and purr and meow in that way that cats do that let you know they're happy.
If I was out of town for a few days, she would drive my roommates crazy as she would cry constantly until I returned.
I saved her first, rescuing her off the streets of OKC, OK when her whisker less face wrapped herself around my leg by my friends home as I walked to my car.
She had become an object of torture for the kids in the neighborhood to hurt and tease and when I found that out, I placed her in my car and took her home.
She knew. She relaxed and when we got home that evening, she ignored our other cats and stayed at my side from that moment on.
That night, she slept at my head and and that was her favorite place to snooze for the next 15 years. I was badly married at the time and she was there through that end and every single life event thereafter until she passed in my arms in the summer of 2003.
I was re-broken with her death and the only thing that saved me then was that I knew that I really really really loved someone for the very first time in my life.
It was then that all of my pain and grief got permission to exist because I knew deep inside that as flawed as I was, as incapable of human relationship success as I was, I had given my Pookie the very best life she could have had.
It was maybe the second or third time in my life that I was "kind" enough to myself to acknowledge that I had done well.
My dear Sprinkleeninow, please ignore all this if it doesn't speak to your grief, as all I've done is share mine. But if you see yourself here at all, please know that God has been watching and please allow the miracles that you've been blessed with for all these years, to bring your grief to the surface first, and then, once that has been permitted, please know that all those special moments that you two shared will comfort you in the knowledge that they're there with you forever because each one was intimately real.
Please make her real with your grief, your memories, and ultimately with your celebration of your lives together when that comes.
I promise you it will.
Love, John
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