Generally, people are using first impressions and societal training to determine the gender of someone. The clothing and demeanor of an individual is the silent language that identifies us to each other as we walk about in society. When someone misidentifies someone, they are using body signals and subliminal physical messages. This communication system is taught from infancy and gets more complicated as we develop skills to get and keep attention. It is part of how humans learn. First meeting as a teaching tool to introduce information and most of the time, people are very happy to be given new ideas. There will always be those who do not want to know or can not understand. Best to move on. You can not make everyone make the jump to light speed. Spend time making things better even if it is only for a tiny little spider. No 'smooshing'. Light and friendly. A smile is the most disarming thing you can do for an attacker. The quieter you talk, the harder they need to listen. I describe myself as a 'Variety Person" as what I am is really only my business. When we are over half a century old, we tend to look all the same anyway. It seems the idea is to label everyone something so an explanation as to what they are can be written. Everyone wants to think they know who they are with. Gender is nature and being honest with people is important. Initial impressions can be powerful and misrepresenting yourself can be dangerous. What you are has to be divulged as it is not right to fool a potential life-long friend with dishonesty. You should realize that no one you know or your family will be involved in your life when you transition. There are few exceptions. Support groups and other people in your same situation are important and valuable. A large network is not as important as an honest one. I speak from my experiences as after my transition, there were no siblings, parents and few friends from the 'previous me'. Sadly, it was still me after the transition but now I wore different clothes. Most people are not able to see you in the opposite gender. Gentle and slow are useful tools. There are those who can never know. stunggirl56
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