My friend's service is Monday - I will see friends who haven't seen me since I gained the weight.

[rbnyc]

I don't know if maybe some of you saw in LBN or the Lounge, Suzanne Hart, who was killed in a horrible freak elevator accident on Wednesday, was a friend of mine. I met her at college. We lived together for a year with a whole group of our friends who all share a really deep bond. Of course now we all have careers and families, and while many of us landed in New York, we are spread all over the country. We’ve kept in touch, but in recent years it’s all been on facebook. A lot of folks I haven’t seen since my wedding.

Since my wedding, I have gained 100 pounds. In a very short time I went from being a healthy-sized, healthy woman who just thought she was fat to being morbidly obese. I was in a bad car accident the day before my wedding and I lost a baby. I was in a hurry to get pregnant again so I didn’t wait to be well enough healed. I have the most wonderful son and I regret nothing, but I have not gotten control of my body since all that and this weight gain has just felt like falling down a well.

I am deeply ashamed of it. I moved four years ago, so everyone around here has always known me as fat. Sometimes I don’t want to leave the house, but I do.

When I see my friends at the service on Monday, they will be shocked. But I have to go. I can’t miss her service because I’m ashamed of being fat. But I’m so nervous and apprehensive about what people will think when they see me. And we have all just suddenly lost a friend – I hope no one decides to give me an intervention talk on the spot.

I’m deeply embarrassed.

Is there anyone here who had a transformative weight gain and had to face seeing people for the first time in your new body?

How did you deal? How did they deal?

I can’t lose 100 pounds by Monday. I have to prepare myself mentally, spiritually and emotionally.

Help.