I don't know what to do

[ohheckyeah]

Hello everyone. I didn't even know this forum was here and I apologize that my first post is one about a problem I have.

I have an older sister who has problems. She was diagnosed by somebody, I don't know who, with depression. They gave her free anti-depressants for awhile and then told her they couldn't give her any more until she saw a doctor, so I don't know what that was all about.

For years she has demonstrated behavior that, IMO, goes beyond depression. She takes offense with everyone who doesn't agree with her 100% and thinks they are out to get her. She is super religious and uses religion to bash people over the head with her opinions using the "God told me to tell you" thing. Everybody is always wrong in her eyes and nothing is ever her fault. She doesn't get along with much of anyone.

She has always resented me (by her own admission) because I was born. She was 5 when I was born and hated that I was getting the attention she had always gotten. I finally realized that she was very toxic to me and many of the bad things that had happened in my life she had a hand in causing.

Recently, we have been trying to get a party together for my parents 65th wedding anniversary. This older sister offered nothing in the way of ideas until I found a restaurant that served our purposes at a price we could afford. All of a sudden she found a "tea room" in another city that she insisted we should use. The tea room was over 60 miles from my parents home and really further than they would want to drive as well as many other things that made it inappropriate for the occasion. I gently disagreed with using the tea room, pointing out the long drive for the older people who would be attending (85 and up age wise) as well as the lack of a varied menu, etc.

Well, she went off on me. She once again accused me of lying and all kinds of other stuff. Come to find out she is no longer on any medication. I tried to reason with her, even telling her the tea house looked like a neat place, but that it just didn't suit our needs as they couldn't provide us privacy for the party. She got so abusive in her emails that I told her to leave me alone and to take it up with the other two sisters (who quite frankly were cowardly in that they didn't want to use the tea room either but wouldn't tell her that). After I refused to discuss with it any more she went off on the other two sisters who did finally tell her they didn't like the idea either.

She's my sister and I do love her but I don't like her. I actually had a panic attack (which I haven't had in years) while this was all going on.

Tonight, I get an email from her asking for her forgiveness and wanting to communicate with me again.

I don't know what to do. It's not that I can't forgive her but I just don't want to step in front of the out of control train wreck that always comes when I have contact with her. She has done this to me over and over and over again. One year she blasted me for months because I had a family Christmas get together on a Sunday. Well, it was the only day my husband was off during Christmas and I apologized that her husband couldn't take the Sunday off from preaching but it was the only day I had to do it. She went off on me until I finally hung up on her after she insisted I should have consulted her before setting up the get together. We didn't talk for a couple of years except to speak to each other at family functions.

I had tried to have a relationship with her in the last year, calling her just to chat and giving her a birthday present, just little steps toward repairing the relationship. And then this happens.

I'm sorry if this is rambling and incomprehensible but I'm just at my wit's end with her as are my other two sisters who finally found out what it felt like when she went into attack mode. Even my mom has little contact with her because she's so abusive.

I feel for her. I know she's miserably unhappy and I think there is more going on than depression, but I can't fix her.

What do I say to her? How do I answer her email? Yes, I can forgive her but I can't and won't allow her to be abusive to me any more.

Any advise or light anyone can shed would be appreciated. Thank you for your time.