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[hunter]

17. Posting here is a step. It's good to see you writing!

A step forward, or a step backwards, that means you are moving. It's always better than the alternative.

You're not alone in being "dysfunctional."

I've been a mess since winter, having quit a med that seemed to be keeping me functional, but not in a good place and with some unpleasant side effects.

One of the meds I switched to had this lovely warning on the label:

CALL DOCTOR IF YOU EXPERIENCE MOOD CHANGES, SADNESS, DEPRESSION OR FEAR

Of course I experienced all these things in the extreme, and couldn't sleep without being awakened by the worst sort of nightmares but, as always, I was entirely unable to judge my own mental state, and furthermore afraid to call my doctor!

I quit that med a couple of weeks ago, and now I'm just embarrassed.

Fortunately I have a lifetime of experience with major depression, OCD and other irritations, and have plenty of practice living one day at a time in a thoroughly dysfunctional state. I've been on this merry-go-round before.

Having another physical ailment doesn't help.

Be kind to yourself.