I knew both my aunt and uncle pretty well. My uncle asked me to be executor of their
estate if anything happened to their son--this cousin--and he died before they did.
So for the last ten years or so I tried to get out to Pasadena to see them on a regular
basis.
My aunt was very high energy and also could be a dominating force in a conversation.
She was a whirlwind of activity--on lots of Boards--especially Friends of the Library--
and an avid reader. Both she and my uncle were graduates of The Pasadena Playhouse
in the 40's. Neither one of them made a career in theatre, but I always attributed
her enthusiastic conversation to a flair for the dramatic. They both had lots and lots
of friends. My uncle owned his own electrical contracting business--was an airline mechanic
serving in the Pacific during WWII--and could fix anything. He tended to the quiet side.
If there is a genetic connection to anything, I would suspect it might have come from his mom.
She did tell me one time that she was taking anti-depressants. But again, lots of people take
anti-depressants for lots of reasons.
My uncle's bills at the assisted living facility were running >$10K/month when my cousin
moved him to Seattle to live with him. My uncle was a child of the Depression and from
my experience, folks of that generation seldom got over being concerned about money.
He did not, however, need to be worried about it. There were plenty of funds for him
to live out his life comfortably in Pasadena. I think the neighbor who was like a daughter
viewed my cousin's action taking his dad to live in Seattle as one of not really caring
about what was best for my uncle, but what would preserve the most funds for
my cousin to inherit from his father...and perhaps removing him to Seattle would
hasten his demise. That does fit with the comment my uncle reported about
his son saying he was just waiting for him to die.
Yes, the danger to others is a concern. If my cousin is driving across the country, drinking
too much, and sleep deprived (which I understand can be a problem) then I wouldn't want
to be on the road when he was! But, that's not any different than a lot of other people
who, by circumstance, or choice, shouldn't be driving either.
I hear you about "taking on someone else's crazy". My cousin is entitled to live the life of his choice--within
legal boundaries-- and without putting others at risk. Personally, I've never had a lot in common with him
and I think that one reason he chose to go to visit in Colorado is that he might have felt that he had
things in common with that relative who likes the outdoors, climbs mountains, and has a bit of a rugged side
to him. But we aren't a family that just drops in on each other--especially since my brother and two of his
kids (and their families) live in California; two live in Colorado; one lives in Maryland; I live in NC and one of
my sons is currently living in Berlin.
= new reply since forum marked as read