That's something I struggle with still. It was a real blow to my ego and self esteem to be labeled as bipolar at 47. Frankly, my attitude, which I readily admit was appalling, was this kind of thing doesn't happen to middle aged guys from the suburbs, the "mentally ill" are the homeless I see when I travel through Detroit or Pontiac or Flint, depressed urban areas. It just doesn't happen, I said to myself, to guys like me that live in a neighborhood of expensive houses and luxury cars and a lot of money. (Not that I'm anything but dirt poor, mind you!)
Except that it does, it happens to people from all walks of life. And it happens, no doubt, to a lot of people in my hometown, they just have the resources to deal with it quietly, and get the best care our medical system can offer. Not like the poor people I see waiting outside the rescue mission in downtown Pontiac every time I go through there coming home from an appt with my psych. or my therapist. Our system is a disgrace when only the rich get adequate care.
But I don't want to give up this lifestyle. I like being able to walk or ride at 3 am and feel totally safe. I like having the choices in stores and restaurants. I like the very nice parks, the enormous public library, the quiet well - kept neighborhoods where people are friendly and accepting to people of all races, ethnic backgrounds, and religions. I just like it here. That is one reason I was mired in so much despair, I thought I had lost it all.
You do need to learn to accept yourself as you are. That was something they stressed at the hospital. And it can be very hard, especially for people with depression who struggle with very low self esteem anyway. I still struggle, some days are better than others.
Like you, I also find my ability to concentrate vastly improved. I'm a paralegal as well, mostly probate and tax law, so accuracy and precision are important. Frankly, over the summer, my work product was an absolute mess, but it's getting better. I am lucky my boss stuck with me, honestly I would have totally understood if he fired me.
= new reply since forum marked as read