I had nightmares last night of not only having to work in a RETAIL job, but being late because my leg wouldn't work so I couldn't fdrive, AND they put me to work on the floor in a wheelchair! Thoselatent fears of losing healthcare are still inmy psyche obviously... If I ever lost my medicine (the one that keeps me in remission is literally $10K PER SHOT!) I don't think I would want to remain alive...
Ive had sever night sweats the past 2 nights,digestion is whack, and my body just feels OFF Don't see the Rheumy till next month, and I don't even know when or if I will hear from the geneticist anytime soon...for all I know it could get denied.
I've been doing SO well too... and made it through some of the hardest emotional and gut wrenching LIFE stuff these past mnths... fo my body to decide to crap out NOW is so dicouraging. and really makes me feel like a victim in my own skin.it's just so fucking UNFAIR!! "I'm doin the work, ya know...I'm taing the baby steps" as Bob would say ( bill murray, what about bob)
I've already cried three times this morning... including now. and I only had my first sip of coffee a minute ago 
What a fuckin day.
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