Guilt [View all]
Many days, I feel awful for feeling awful. I feel weak for being weak. I feel wrong for having something wrong with me.
I've felt guilt for incapacity, and have apologized for whining that I'm tired, things hurt, I need to rest, or even plainly that I have other, important priorities right now. The more time passes, the more I want to hoard my time, and the more I feel guilt for it.
On the other side, I feel guilt for people mourning the death they know is coming, and the knowing they will live without me. I'm seeking support to get through this -- because surely this must be normal? Like, I feel badly to see the people around me in pain because I am going to die, and they will have to adjust and live without me, and what will next year be like if I don't make it that far, etc...
Don't get me wrong -- I love how much they love me! But on another level, I feel I'm letting them down, somehow. It doesn't have to be rational -- it just is. I can't be the only one who's felt this way, so if anyone knows of a book, a group, anything helpful about this, I'd really appreciate it! Thanks in advance.
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