I may be taking a break for a bit.

[LuckyCharms]

99. Update.

You people are almost bringing me to tears and I don't know what to say besides thank you, and for those of you in pain, I wish I could hug you in person.

So thank you for all of your responses.

I called my primary care yesterday, and the conversation got a little heated.

I'm sure that most of you know that when the shit hits the fan, you are sometimes passed around to different specialists like a hot potato. And you are sometimes treated dismissively when trying to get medical professionals to understand what you are going through.

I am suicidal. But I would never act on it. I have people and a dog who need me, and I wouldn't let them down.

This is not something you can tell a medical professional, because the only solution they have is to lock you up on the mental floor for 3 days instead of addressing the cause of your pain.

I was told to go back to the ER. My response was "That's not fucking good enough. You're my primary care, I've been seeing you for decades, and you need to help me".

I told my primary care that I believe this is diabetic neuropathy in my back and hips. If you have ever had gout, it feels like that. Only it's in my back and pelvis. The pain is exquisite.

I'm now on an extremely high dosage of an oral Prednisone burst for 5 days. This is the second day for the burst. She also put me on Gabapentin 3X daily, permanently. The problem with Prednisone is that it shoots your blood glucose up horrendously. As I type this, my glucose is in the 400's, when it should be at 120. I'm shooting copious amounts of insulin to try to counteract this, but it's not working well against the steroids. This why why the ER doc only gave me one dose of steroids, and refused to prescribe a further steroid dose. He didn't want to be responsible for me going into a diabetic coma. He told me to talk to my primary care about steroid treatment. So that's what I did and she put me on the Prednisone therapy and told me to tough out the high glucose for 5 days.

Prednisone turns me into caveman mode. After only one day on it so far, I'm an irritable mess who can't stop eating. It's like having the pot munchies times 100.

I feel like I could murder someone when I'm on Prednisone. It's horrible. But it usually works, so we'll see what happens.

I'm so worried about my wife. She's trying to wait on me, even though she knows I don't like that. She's trying to be helpful, but I'm right on the head on a pin emotionally, and I'm afraid I'm going to snap at her. I don't want to do that. She's trying to help me, but she's scared as well...

Thank you for all of your touching responses.