I hate everything.

[MadameButterfly]

25. If I could get back all the hours I've wasted on Donald Trump

these last ten years...I really believed when first elected he wouldn't last a year.

When George W was elected I couldn't watch the news for 8 years because it was so painful and unthinkable. But I know he would last each term, and I KNEW he'd be gone after that. With Trump, I'm not sure we'll survive until the end of his term, and not sure he'll leave even then.

I understand that living my best life is the most important thing I can do, but I cannot resist watching what has happened, blow by blow, day by day. It's as irrational as Orpheus turning around to look at Euripides before he reached the top. I know I shouldn't, but I do.

I'm not saying we shouldn't know basically whats going on, and showing up to demonstrate--we are needed for the resistance. And a regular dose of Rachel and others like her who show us our power and don't despair, who remind us of brilliance, is needed. But it's the wallowing, the anxious checking for a reprieve, like our friend Orrit (thanks for the humour), is he dead yet? Is this over at last? needs to be replaced with a sustainable regimen. This is a marathon, not a sprint, and I've been sprinting for 10 years. Stuck in fight or flight. Looking for a better way.

Yes, we will win. We are healthy, he is not, they are not. His disease will be his downfall. We must preserve our health, mental and physical, indulge in anything the feeds out souls. We must not feel guilty about seeking joy despite the horrors that are unfolding. Only preserving ourselves will save everything else. There is so much he does not control: our love, our passions, our community, art, music, our humanity. He holds up a contrast which will teach us going forward. Imagine the triumph when we have overcome! Trust that it will come, but we do not wait for that day to live our lives.