My wife told me that she is suicidal.
She has chronic pain 24/7. There's little more to her desire to die. She has an rx for a powerful painkiller. I don't know if that factors into her wish to die. I wonder if she has looked up how many of those pills it would take to ease that pain permanently.
It's bad. It's very bad. We've been together 25 years, married for 15 of those, and while she's talked about other suicidal times in her life, she's never talked about it in the present tense.
She sent me a text a few days ago that spelled it out. For some stupid reason, I deleted it. Does anyone know how to recover a deleted text on an Android?
She has a therapist, whom she's seen once in four years. I went with her. I thought it was useless, but then I can't judge her therapy sessions by my own.
I suggested she call the hotline. She declined. She told me something that I thought was going to kill me: she said all she needs is me. I had a sick relationship in college, and her telling me that brought it all back. I felt like my hair was on fire, and I wanted to run screaming.
Thank you for listening and, just by doing so, offering your support.
= new reply since forum marked as read
yes indeed 
However you sure as hell need to take care of yourself as well.
Stay safe, Not Heidi.
I just read your post and I am no expert in mental health or suicide - but have had friends and family who have also dealt with both chronic pain and depression - including suicidal ideation. It’s horrible and real for the person suffering from it and also horrible and real for those that love them and have to deal with it.
Do you have any children or other family members that you both are close to? Friends? I ask because it’s important to have all hands on deck and support - for her - for you.
25 years of marriage - with both good and bad matters and means something. It’s the worse now in the for better or worse. She needs you and it’s a heavy demand but you can and will be there for her - and you need support too. Clearly the story you shared about your experience in college shows how it has triggered some difficult memories of when you have had someone in distress psychologically put pressure in you that you may or may not be equipped (nor should have to in an unhealthy situation) but this while difficult - is different. It’s your spouse. You made vows that matter.
I don’t know of any way to retrieve a deleted text - but you should not need to. It seems to me that right now you need to reach out to people and sources of support you have in family and friends. Maybe you can call a suicide help line and ask them for guidance.
There is one thing I know from my experiences with a very good friend and even a family member who attempted - and survived - a suicide attempt. They were genuinely in pain - one physically and the other mentally - was that in both cases they didn’t think there was any hope and they wanted to end the suffering. They couldn’t see that they mattered or were needed by others and there were many things worth living for. They both got help through having those of us who stepped up and made sure they got help - and reminded them they were loved and mattered.
Be strong. Love her and get support.
Is her painkiller an opioid? They can really mess with your mental health themselves, on top of dealing with the pain, and being highly addictive. Can you talk to her doctor?
As for therapists, some are very good and some are worthless. Sounds like she needs a new referral.
Hang in there. Maybe you could also use some couples counseling?
I appreciate your hugs.
PS I almost called you Snitty. 
