The Borowitz Report: Pete Hegseth's Private Search History

[FakeNoose]

Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/the-private-search-history-of-pete

No one has been a more relentless source of information about Donald Trump’s war with Iran than his Defense Secretary, Pete Hegseth. Now it can be revealed where Hegseth gets all of his information: from Google.

In a TBR exclusive, we have obtained Hegseth’s private search history from the past two weeks. Read it here first, before he accidentally shares it on Signal with everyone in his address book:

other words for win

other words for destroy

what does obliterate mean

can you obliterate same thing twice

pete hegseth hot

pete hegseth sexy

pete hegseth president

who is curds

how much hair gel is too much

what to do when you bomb wrong thing

if bomb wrong thing do you get in trouble

how bad is war crime

can you go to prison for war crime

is kaitlan colins single

best breath mints for hiding whiskey

cushion insoles to make florsheim shoes not hurt

how to get rid of angry forehead lines

manly hand gestures

how to tell when makeup makes you look like drag queen

why do some photos make ass look big

can you ban photographers

what is straight of hormooz

what happens when oil tankers blow up

does price of oil affect price of hair gel

hegseth approval rating

antiperspirant that really works

antiperspirant for head

do people hate hegseth more than they hated rumsfeld

how to tell if your about 2 b fired

job openings at fox news

- more at link -

Andy Borowitz sometimes asks his subscribers to answer a question or participate in a survey in the TBR comments section, and a lively exchange will ensue. Even though we aren't paid subscribers to The Borowitz Report, we can play along on DU. If you have something to add to this list, please share it below.....



My suggestion is ... Who will Trump fire next?

[dalton99a]

1. Kick