Stop saying "single mothers"

[CousinIT]

This illustrates how the language of our most often sexist and anti-woman, slut-and responsibility-shaming society demonizes women.

[3catwoman3]

1. Excellent point.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

2. Single moms are single for all sorts of reasons, and just because she's a "single mom" doesn't mean the dad isn't in the

picture. Not sure what this accomplishes.

[Skittles]

6. pointing out sexism doesn't mean you "hate men"

you're giving yourself away

[Skittles]

11. LOL

sure, bro

[Aristus]

43. Fox News, Newsmax, et al, will never be able to teach them subtlety, will they?

n/t

[Skittles]

46. they can't help themselves

"all lives matters" (uh huh)
"Democrat party"
"feminists hate men"
endless whataboutism

they have zero clue, the sheer transparency of their silly talking points

[Aristus]

49. Too bad they bounced before you could kick their asses!

[Skittles]

52. I do enjoy taunting some of them

others bore me very quickly

[Quiet Em]

15. It's referring to absentee fathers.

I don't think anyone considers a deceased father or mother to be an absentee mother or father.

[CousinIT]

33. THIS. Exactly. n/t

[Quiet Em]

12. Single mother, single father, single parent in my understanding has always been meant as the sole parent

Perhaps because they are widowed, or for whatever reason they and the child/children do not have any relationship with the other parent.

If Dad or Mom are in the picture with the parent who has custody of the children they are co-parents, not single parents.

Single means the only, the sole, parent.

[Skittles]

27. I don't see it that way

to me a "single mother" simply means the partner isn't physically available.....by divorce, widowhood or desertion

a tough job no matter what

[Bluejeans]

3. My father - a Dad, Grandpa and Great-Grandpa - used to ask a "drop-dead question"....

My father - a Dad, Grandpa and Great-Grandpa - used to ask a "drop-dead question"....

Where are the IMPREGNATORS!"

There's a loaded question for those absentee fathers, I mean, "impregnators"!

[Skittles]

5. divorced dads are only a "problem" if they don't help to support their child

"staying together for the sake of the kids" is often way, way worse for them than divorce

[Seinan Sensei]

7. This is akin to saying "bastard child"

There’s no such thing.
There ARE “bastard parents,” however

[Skittles]

9. or "illegitimate"

WTF, all babies are LEGITIMATE

[Renew Deal]

8. Doesn't this assume the father had a choice?

I know multiple current cases where a parent died. It’s tragic.

[CousinIT]

29. In those cases, the single parent is referred to as a "widow" or "widower", not a "single mother"

People in this thread know that, but they are pulling in other terms in the interest of defense. And it just doesn't fly.

[Renew Deal]

34. A "widow" doesn't describe a person with a child.

The image in the OP is language parsing rage bait that most reasonable people would disagree with and is meant to divide people. It has no useful value beyond that.

[calimary]

14. Damn straight!!!

Here’s to giving the blame where the blame is due.

[NH Ethylene]

16. Absolutely not.

Single mothers OR fathers should just be called single parents.

Neither parent should be automatically deemed a problem when the parents split up.

There are plenty of fathers who are very involved in parenting even if they are not living with them any longer, and there are plenty of fathers who pay child support. And there are plenty of mothers who wear the 'single mother' badge as a source of pride and as a sign of strength and perseverance.

People who say 'single mother' with disdain should be completely disregarded. MAGA 'values' should not drive our paths or our language.

[stopdiggin]

17. if the term 'single mother' is shallow, 'targeting' and singularly undescriptive ...

the assumption that the sole (or even overwhelmingly likely) reason for it lies in a male/father - that self evidently bailed ....

Is equally shallow - vapid - and, yes, defamatory.

This meme is not nearly the 'own' that some apparently thought ...

[Quiet Em]

18. absentee was the key word. If a parent, a Mom or Dad is absentee

than they are not involved.

Single in this meaning is not a relationship status, it's an indication of being the sole or only parent.

[stopdiggin]

23. how about a person that is serving in the military

been involuntarily deported - or perhaps incarcerated .. ? (or any one of ten other different circumstances - including the 'biological' that was never informed and/or invited to participate)

You're still making a boatload of assumptions - and casting aspersion without good evidence.
It remains just too simplistic - and just not a great argument. (in my humble opinion)

[Quiet Em]

24. If both parents are active and not absentee in their children's lives

then they are co-parents, not single parents.

Serving in the military, being deported, or being incarcerated does not prevent one from being involved in the lives of their children. Perhaps it could do so financially, but not emotionally.

Absentee means completely absent. Not present at all. Not involved at all. Not a part of.

[stopdiggin]

25. assumptions - accompanied by narrowing and restricted definition ....

none of which appear in the original.
(which is why it received the knock in the first place - or at least that coming from this direction.)

For what it's worth - and in effort to calm the waters.
In the narrow construction in which you choose to frame this - general agreement and support. And further, I don't think anyone on this panel has too much problem with giving dead-beat dads (or mothers) the rousing kick in the shorts that they deserve. But - that too ... Kinda' goes without saying. Yeah?

[AZJonnie]

28. But the OP headline and text of the meme are making no such distinctions

The logical reading is that the phenomenon of "single mothers" (something we should stop saying, not conditionally, but entirely) only arises because of "absentee fathers".

What you seem to me to be arguing is that the message should had been more clear. Which is the same as what everyone who's arguing against this meme is also arguing.

[BeneteauBum]

19. I am a single father

Thirty three years ago, I couldn’t no longer stand the abuse directed at me and my three daughters. Took the mother to court and, after 3 1/2 years, was awarded custody. My two oldest are 47 now with wonderful families. The youngest will be 36 soon and is a happily married parent.

I was always proud to be a single dad with three daughters. Many people I encountered along the way were amazed that I took on the responsibility. My Dad was of the opinion that.saved the kids……and I’m still single.
So when the moniker ‘single parent’ is used, I have a great deal of respect for the responsibility that person has accepted. Pay it forward.

Peace ☮️

[quinteroon]

50. I have always admired

single fathers. Definitely a rare breed but kudos to anyone who raises their children or another person's child under trying circumstances. One thing I would like to point out is that child-free people are not necessarily the product of an unhappy or broken family. You seem to be trying to show that your situation didn't affect them (being single and/or without children). I get why you did it but I feel compelled to point that out.

[Doodley]

20. And if the father died? And if the father isn't the one responsible for the breakup in the relationship? This looks

like more man-hating in my opinion.

[CousinIT]

30. If the father died, she's called a "widow", not a single mother. But you know that. n/t

[Doodley]

36. Okay so my mother wasn't a single parent after all. Glad you put me straight.

[obamanut2012]

40. She was widowed, she wasn't single

[obamanut2012]

39. It isn't "man hating" -- just stop

Realize how you are part of teh problem by saying that.

[littlemissmartypants]

21. Sometimes, single women are mothers by choice. Wouldn't they indeed be "single mothers?"

[Quiet Em]

22. Yes, they are single mothers by choice

But many other single parents are single parents not by choice.

Single mothers draw a lot of negative connotation. Single fathers, not as much. I believe that is the point.

[CousinIT]

31. Exactly. Single mothers (even if it's a choice) are looked upon with derision.

Whereas single fathers are marveled at and respected.

The reasons don't matter. That's just the way our society is.

[PatSeg]

47. Good point

And I've known some "single fathers" who received a great deal of sympathy and compassion for raising kids on their own, while the "single mothers" were often looked down upon and even discriminated against in the workforce.

I once had a male co-worker who was doing the same job I did. We both had equal experience, but he was paid considerably more than me. My boss justified the wage disparity because Joe* was married and I wasn't. But Joe had no children and his wife worked fulltime in the same business, whereas I was raising a small child on my own.

Joe made a lot of mistakes and didn't last very long. He didn't have to try harder, because he was a guy. Meanwhile, I was dirt poor and struggling. I saw such things happen over and over again.


* I don't recall his name anymore, but "Joe" sounds close enough.

[Doodley]

38. Because somebody somewhere will be offended.

[obamanut2012]

41. Who will be offended?

[Abolishinist]

26. Wowzer. We live in an anti-woman, slut-and responsibility-shaming

society which demonizes women. Let's change "single mothers" to "children of absentee fathers".

And we wonder why we lose elections.

[CousinIT]

32. We do...

... live in an anti-woman, slut-and responsibility-shaming society that demonizes women. And with that, I wonder how we win elections.

[quinteroon]

35. I do think people

put the onus and scorn on the female raising the child alone. However, it's also a way of showing the burden she has. It's only a negative term if you view it that way.

[Doodley]

37. Agreed. And a man bringing up children on his own is also a single parent.

[obamanut2012]

42. Woman, not female

[quinteroon]

45. Excuse me?

I didn't say anything that was erroneous. Merriam-Webster definition of female:
"of, relating to, or being the sex that typically has the capacity to bear young or produce eggs"

Why the correction? Not all single mothers are adult women. I do not refer to adult women as females, if that was your concern.

[radicalleft]

44. This thread did not disapoint...

[dave99]

48. There is no 'single' One is either a mother or not. One is a father or not. BUT Republicans LOVE the Blame Game.

[ZDU]

51. Hear, hear!

Thank you. Powerfully educational... I
sincerely thank you and will change my words.

[Jedi Guy]

53. And yet "single mother" is accurate regardless of the reason they are raising a child or children alone.

Just as "single father" is accurate when a man is raising a child or children alone regardless of the reason he is single.

Your post assumes the weight of animosity that, frankly, is hardly ever there when I hear the term "single mother" used. In most cases I see single mothers lionized as heroes because they're doing the work of two people alone, arguably some of the most difficult, emotionally exhausting (and rewarding) work a human being can undertake. And I'm not going to argue that they shouldn't be lionized. I'm not (and never will be) a parent but I can at least conceptualize how awesomely difficult the task of raising a child can be.

This post strikes me as a solution in search of a problem, frankly. If one hears a single mother described as such with scorn or derision, by all means, push back on that nonsense. If they're not spoken of in that way then nothing need be said at all unless one chooses to agree.

That seems to me a more reasonable approach than demanding that we stop using specific but accurate words to describe someone.

[Sparkly]

54. I think it's the insinuation of "shame" that needs to change ...

First, I'm not disagreeing with you that the sexism probably persists. It's pretty shocking to me that it does, but we've gone so far backward. The idea that a parent raising a child/children singlehandedly should feel anything but great pride is crazy, though!!

Second, single or unmarried doesn't necessarily mean alone. There are lots of different kinds of stable, loving families.There are also a range of reasons (biological) fathers might not be present in their lives.

Third, both points apply to genders equally. It's just that the more likely circumstance is that women care for children.