The Borowitz Report-Mike Johnson Opts for Medically Induced Coma to Avoid Swearing in New Democratic Congresswoman

[LetMyPeopleVote]

The Borowitz Report: (satire, but just barely)
—Calling it “the nuclear option, the Coward Mike Johnson Opts for Medically Induced Coma to Avoid Swearing in New Democratic Congresswoman Adelita Grijalva.
www.borowitzreport.com/p/mike-johns...

— call634-5789 (@call634-5789.bsky.social) 2025-10-22T09:36:27.427Z

https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/mike-johnson-opts-for-medically-induced

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling it “the nuclear option,” House Speaker Mike Johnson opted on Tuesday to enter a medically induced coma to avoid swearing in newly elected Democratic congresswoman Adelita Grijalva.

Johnson spoke to reporters at Walter Reed Army Medical Center moments before doctors administered pentobarbital through an intravenous tube connected to his left hand.

“I’m doing this as a last resort,” he said. “I was really hoping that people would forget about the Epstein files or that the Rapture would happen, but no such luck.”

A Republican colleague who visited Johnson’s bedside hours after he fell into the coma said that the Speaker “seemed like his usual self.”