I'm really really scared

[JMCKUSICK]

I surely thought that the close divide in the House would derail this bill as I really expected the moderates to control the outcome, not the crazies. We all know this is going to sail through the Senate after some grandstanding by those who will vote for it anyway.
I'm struggling with so much uncertainty, I can't work but no one seems to give a shit from the SSA to Congress. I feel like I will be one of millions that will be discarded to the curb and forgotten about.
I've struggled with self esteem my whole life, abandonment issues, bouncing from home to home as a child to the point that I have no idea the names of a single family I lived with before coming to the USA.
Every time I feel like I've made progress in trusting and allowing myself to get comfortably close to others, moments like this happen, a lightning bolt from the sky reminding me of my true place in society.
I have fought like hell to "outperform" what little was expected from an uneducated, lonely, lost person who can only be defined by external forces because nobody ever really allowed me to define myself through support, encouragement and embrace.
I've been sitting here all morning trying not to cry, trying to keep this despondency at bay, knowing this day was coming but praying it wouldn't.
Medicaid has literally saved my life, and the medications I now have to take are just as critical to my ongoing health. My pain levels since the FAA on May 9th, has been off the charts, I obviously aggravated my spinal injuries that weekend and that's not helping either.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-john-mckusick-overcome-health-and-financial-struggles

I am placing my GoFundMe link here because July will be here faster than we all care to admit and while I consider you all my family, I feel like the Ocean currents of life will relegate me back to tumbleweed status where my life's shortened span will be lived aimlessly and helplessly wandering wondering why this is my destiny. Even before my Heart Surgery, during my down days I wondered if I'd be better off dead, because we all knew this was coming and if I wasn't such a coward, i would have stopped this train a long long time ago.
I'm sorry, I feel like I'm falling down a deep hole called destiny.
Most people are too busy to stop and help, much less ask what they can do.
Even good morning messages, as poor as they may be, are the easiest things to pass by in our rush to encounter the day..
I can't stop crying and I can't stop feeling how inevitable this destiny is for so many of us. I wish I could just fall asleep and wake up in whatever nightmare my soul has to face next.

[SheltieLover]

1. ...

[JMCKUSICK]

18. Thank you for the Hug SheltieLover.

I could use volumes of them.

[bdamomma]

43. I got

some for you too.

Never

[JMCKUSICK]

46. Thank you bdamomma.

I cherish each one.

[MustLoveBeagles]

45. Here's another

I'm sorry for your troubles.

[JMCKUSICK]

47. Thank you MustLoveBeagles

It means a lot.

[brush]

2. I doubt it'll pass thru te Senate as is. There's talk of splitting it into 3 bills...

Last edited Thu May 22, 2025, 04:16 PM - Edit history (1)

and who know which of those will pass and it impacts seniors negatively and they're a big factor in the repblican demographic.

[JMCKUSICK]

3. I got a AARP membership invite

In the mail yesterday, and it's remarkable how quiet they have been through this process, especially considering it is Medicaid that pays all nursing home bills once you spend down.
I will admit that I haven't researched them much lately, but this bill would surely scream Pick me pick me as one to fight against.
Must be afraid of trump too

[Tickle]

6. as of now any one over 65 will get a 4K deduction NT

[brush]

8. How so? I keep hearing SS benefits are going to be cut.

[Tickle]

33. Not for Seniors, so I have heard NT

[brush]

39. We've heard the exact opposite.

[haele]

13. Lol. 4k.

And if they fall into the category of not paying taxes in general to begin with, with a minimum Medicare payment, what does a $4k deduction do for them?
That's the equivalent of a one legged person being told there's food for free if they're just willing to cross a busy street.

[Tickle]

34. it works for me

I usually end up paying taxes on my Social Security, so I’m just hoping to break even this time around. For others, depending on your income, you might actually get a refund when you file.

[Wiz Imp]

36. an extra $4000 deduction would translate into a reduction of tax owed by $400 to $500 at most.

[Meadowoak]

51. That $400 will be the increase on food.

[Wiz Imp]

57. Yep. The whole thing is an attempt to fool the public into think they're getting a much better deal than they really are

They say we'll give you an extra $4000 deduction and people think their taxes will get cut but $4000 not realizing that $4000 comes off their taxable income not their actual taxes. The tax rate is pretty small for most people on fixed incomes.

And the tiny tax cut that they may end up with will be more than offset by higher prices due to tariffs and inflation.

[JMCKUSICK]

49. Right haele,

You've touched on the greatest con in world history It's been working for 45 years and counting. "We're going to cut YOUR taxes"
Republicans have been talking to the Fox viewers like they're members of the club for decades and the rubes keep buying it election after election.
The party that has screwed workers in every way possible, owns workers because of that one slogan.

[JMCKUSICK]

29. I saw that when I googled AARP

And I was thoroughly disgusted that that's the best they can do with those millions of dollars they use to "Support Seniors"
AARP treats the very poor as badly as the worst republicans.

[JMCKUSICK]

19. A major part of my fear

Is how controlled these Republicans are by Trump. Never seen anything like it.
And it's that that assures me that what the Senate passes will be pretty much what the House passed with maybe a little lipstick on it.

[debm55]

41. Agree

[Nanuke]

4. Oh John. Your despair is testimony that you are a deeply sensitive, smart and caring person. Hold steady to your worth.

Let this dark cloud surrounding you lift away to the bright light that all of us here hold you in. Your daily affirmations are like a lifeline for us, and especially me. These staggering awful times with our screwed up government and policies are temporary. I believe you have hope and strength deep within you—if not for just one day at a time.

[JMCKUSICK]

21. Thank you Nanuke,

I've been struggling with this uncertainty since the election, and it's so damn hard to keep a smile on my face, while the demoralizing news keeps coming. It's not just the budget bill, it's how the government treats everyone, all the storm victims that are waiting for disaster declarations while Trump's callous administration disregards the real pain and loss of so many

[bdamomma]

44. Thank you

for the encouraging words, we are all in this together. This darkness will fade away, when we rise up and make our voices heard. Bullies never win.

[Arazi]

5. I'm scared for you too

😥

[JMCKUSICK]

30. Thank you for your support Arazi

[Tickle]

7. I don't think he'll mess with senior benefits

— at least, there’s no sign of that. From what I’ve read, the Medicaid changes are mostly aimed at people under 65. It’s more about adding work requirements and making sure folks re-certify each year to stay eligible.

[JMCKUSICK]

9. I'm 58 and have been waiting on SSDI for 21 months and counting

[synni]

11. It took me 21 years to get approved

Yet I'm still scared of what this administration is doing.

[JMCKUSICK]

31. I'm so sorry, I can't

Begin to imagine what you went through.

[Tickle]

35. you'll be getting one hell of a check!

they pay you from the time you requested SSDI.

[Cha]

55. Best of Luck getting your SSI

ASAP, John. I have a friend in California who's been waiting for hers for quite awhile.. Not that long, though.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

[SuzyandPuffpuff]

10. Ditto

All I can say as apparently evil wins. But I personally will fight til my dying breath...I will not show fear to a media created...foul smelling self indulgent petulant man child ..he will never take my soul. Fuck that asshole dick

[JMCKUSICK]

50. Speaking of fighting, I was so disappointed to

Find out that there are no protests scheduled near me this weekend.
Forgive my frustration, but what, we can't mess with our holiday weekend?

[XanaDUer2]

12. I'm scared too

[JMCKUSICK]

14. I know you can relate XanaDUer2

I really hope people can see how fragile a huge segment of society is

[debm55]

15. My heart goes out to you, John. Love, Debbie.

[JMCKUSICK]

23. Thank you Debbie

It means a lot.

[mvd]

16. Right there with you

I depend on SNAP. I depend on Medicaid. I struggle mightily even with them. Have no idea what I would do if they were taken away. Use my mom as a dependent? Because I am not a senior or officially listed as disabled.

[JMCKUSICK]

25. The thing that I'm also

Struggling with is how oblivious I have been to these very issues at points in my younger life. It really reminds me how easy it is to take a comfortable place in life for granted while being so disconnected to the suffering around me unless I had first hand awareness.

[SSJVegeta]

17. I really hope you are wrong about the Senate.

But so far I can only count 3 remotely viable opponents to it, and that just isn't enough. It's such a shame -for many reasons of course, that Connelly had to die so quickly. Besides Collins, Murkowski and MAYBE Hawley, the only other person I can see as a far distant remote possibility, is Jim Justice. Oh and I don't see Rand Paul honestly supporting it. But I can see him plugging his nose and supporting it, and ignoring the enormous consequences to avoid the temporary political backlash he would get from his party.

[JMCKUSICK]

42. For obvious reasons I hope so too SSJVegeta.

It's just that we have no history of anyone standing up even for principles, never mind for murderous policy.

[Wiz Imp]

20. Just hours after House passage, senators are already talking about big changes.

https://www.politico.com/live-updates/2025/05/22/congress/trump-bill-senate-rewrite-00365731

Senate GOP preps for ‘one big, beautiful’ rewrite

Senate Republicans are vowing they will make changes to President Donald Trump’s “big, beautiful bill” after it passed the House early Thursday morning.

While the end product is likely to contain sweeping areas of overlap with the proposal negotiated by Speaker Mike Johnson, GOP senators made clear Thursday that the House bill can’t pass without major changes. Some of the member demands are contradictory, with some fiscal hawks demanding beefed-up spending reductions while others want softening of the House’s Medicaid language and to preserve more green-energy incentives.

One of the Republicans he believes is in his corner — Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) — said Thursday that while he supports the party’s tax agenda, he cannot support the bill if it includes a debt ceiling hike. Republicans want to use the party-line bill to increase the debt ceiling until after the 2026 election without having to give concessions to Democrats.

Trump spoke to one of the potential holdouts — Sen. Josh Hawley (R-Mo.) — Wednesday night, though their conversation also touched on unrelated issues like disaster aid. Two others — Sens. Susan Collins (R-Maine) and Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska) said they expected significant changes.

Make no mistake, this thing will eventually pass, but we're a long way from knowing what the final product will look like.

From the Politico article, Rand Paul is expected to be a definite NO vote and Ron Johnson may be as well. Add in Hawley, Collins & Murkowski who all apparently have significant issues with the House passed version and you have a pretty strong guarantee that the Senate will make changes which the House would then need to approve as well. I don't think we're very close to a final bill being signed into law anytime real soon.

[JMCKUSICK]

22. I sure hope you're right Wiz Imp.

I just have come to know that when it comes to having a spine against trump, they are sorely lacking.

[Wiz Imp]

32. oh, make no mistake, Whatever eventually gets signed into law is going to be really awful

But for now, at least, there remains at least a slight bit of hope that it might not be quite as bad as what the House just passed.

[Initech]

24. They can go shove this big beautiful bill straight up their big beautiful asses!

[gab13by13]

26. A bit of good news,

Rand Paul says he is a solid No.

Haven't heard from Susan Collins yet.

[JMCKUSICK]

27. We need four right?

[gab13by13]

28. It's a start,

[JMCKUSICK]

40. That's true gab13by13

[Meowmee]

37. So sorry sending you hugs

I hope none of this happens 😿

[JMCKUSICK]

38. Thank you Meowmee,

Unfortunately, the unrepresented among us will suffer the most, like usual. While we can hope to be spared the very worst of what's in this bill, most of it will become law and screw the poor, seniors, POC, children and women.
The have the recipe, now it's just a matter of reading the ingredients list.

[Delmette2.0]

48. I'm scared, too

[JMCKUSICK]

54. We are comrades in arms Delmette2.0

[Doodley]

52. Do you or can you qualify for SSI or SSDI? Hopefully, these cuts will be watered down to get through the senate.

[JMCKUSICK]

56. I applied in August of 2023 so it's 21 months and counting, I got denied

in March so waiting on first appeal. (four unsuccessful back surgeries etc,,,)

[Doodley]

58. They nearly always deny on first application. I recommend asking a no-fee-unless-you-win disability lawyer to help.

It is hard to do it on your own, and it is a lot less stress to have somebody fighting for you. The judges try to trample on folk who aren't as prepared as a lawyer would be. It is a huge setback and demoralizing. You could potentially get a lump sum and SSI or SSID would put you in a much safer position. This would give you a lot of peace of mind. I am sorry you are so anxious about your situation. I can see why. Nobody in the richest country in the world should have to worry about this. My wife applied and was rejected twice. Then we got a specialist and it made a huge difference with a positive outcome. I believe the law company got 25% of the back pay as reimbursement.

[JMCKUSICK]

59. I did hire an attorney from the beginning.

Learned long ago to let experts do expert things lol.

[Doodley]

60. Good. 21 months is a long time. BTW, I'm probably going to lose my healthcare. At least I have no

serious health issues for now.

[JMCKUSICK]

61. I sure hope that's not the case Doodley.

[Doodley]

62. Thank you. I've been taking advantage of tax credits for health insurance that the Trump blll takes away.

Can't afford healthcare without it.

[Alephy]

53. John, for what's worth...

You write well.

[JMCKUSICK]

64. Thank you Alephy

[Kid Berwyn]

63. Time Out. You need to remember something...

Each second we live in a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that never was before and will never be again.

And what do we teach our children in school? We teach them that two and two makes four, and that Paris is the capital of France.

When will we also teach them what they are? We should say to each of them:

Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all of the world there is no other child exactly like you. In the millions of years that have passed there has never been another child like you.

And look at your body — what a wonder it is! Your legs, your arms, your cunning fingers, the way you move! You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven.

You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel.

And when you grow up, can you then harm another who is, like you, a marvel?

You must cherish one another. You must work — we all must work — to make this world worthy of its children.

— Pablo Casals

[JMCKUSICK]

65. I so wish that was the case,

Hell, I'd be happy to let kids learn at their pace with their interests.
What society has done to kids for eons is deprive them of soul food.
Just feed them enough and teach them enough to become useful as teens and adults.
Some of us couldn't become that. We weren't wired that way and so, left on the side of the road, really no different than a puppy dumped on the side of the road.

[Kid Berwyn]

67. You got it, JMCKUSICK.

You learned the important message: you matter — and because you learned right from wrong through lived experience, you know what needs to be done so others, especially children, live in a society that deserves such who literally are miracles.

An expert on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) said that we are asking each other the wrong question. Instead of saying: “What’s wrong with you?”, we should ask, “What happened to you?”

[JMCKUSICK]

68. It's emotionally traumatizing to think

That no one has asked. The running assumptions that there is something wrong with us is so ingrained, we actually need therapy on multiple fronts. Our own self condemnation, mixed with the "If only he had, or he should have, etc..." messaging from others, creates an environment that makes it almost impossible to rise up out of our life long, self imposed "jail sentence".

[young_at_heart]

66. A huge thank you to Pablo Casals!!!

You must cherish one another. You must work — we all must work — to make this world worthy of its children.

— Pablo Casals

[Kid Berwyn]

69. JFK understood his wisdom, too.

Cellist Pablo Casals greets first lady Jacqueline Kennedy after a concert given in the White House in November 1961.



El Maestro kisses the hand of First Lady Jacqueline Kennedy during a reception for the Governor of Puerto Rico, Luis Muñoz Marin and his wife, at the White House on November 13, 1961. Casals left Fascist Spain to live in the USA, Puerto Rico. He never returned to his native Catalonia until his remains returned after the restoration of democracy.

https://www.presidency.ucsb.edu/documents/remarks-welcome-the-white-house-concert-pablo-casals

Here’s a more complete quote…

Pablo Casals: “In the confusion that afflicts the world today, I see a disrespect for the very values of life. Beauty is all about us, but how many are blind to it! They look at the wonder of this earth — and seem to see nothing. People move hectically but give little thought to where they are going…

“Each second we live in a new and unique moment of the universe, a moment that never was before and will never be again. And what do we teach our children in school? We teach them that two and two makes four, and that Paris is the capital of France. When will we also teach them what they are? We should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. In all of the world there is no other child exactly like you. In the millions of years that have passed there has never been another child like you. And look at your body — what a wonder it is! Your legs, your arms, your cunning fingers, the way you move! You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything. Yes, you are a marvel. And when you grow up, can you then harm another who is, like you, a marvel? You must cherish one another. You must work — we all must work — to make this world worthy of its children.”

Source: https://www.brainpickings.org/2016/03/10/pablo-casals-joys-and-sorrows-jfk/

His performance of “Song of the Birds” at the UN makes me cry just by thinking about it.