Spurious News: Trump alters the Statue of Liberty
THE HUDSON (Spurious News Network) — Emma Lazarus’ sonnet The New Colossus was written to raise money to build the pedestal on which the Statue of Liberty resides. It succeeded, and the government had it cast into a bronze plaque which was installed inside the pedestal. Until this morning, it inspired all who entered the edifice.
At 8am this morning, King Donald Trump entered the pedestal carrying a jackhammer and removed the plaque from the wall. While Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent and Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth destroyed the plaque with sledgehammers and a blowtorch to melt the chunks, King Donald duct-taped in its place a piece of poster board on which he had written in Sharpie, “go the fuck back to the shithole you came from. No one wants your illegal ass here.”
Historians were aghast. Said filmmaker Ken Burns, “as a child of German and Scottish immigrants Trump should know we’re a nation of immigrants…but at this point I’m not sure if he knows what the French fries he gorges himself on are made of.”
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